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I'm Beth. I'm married to my best friend, and he's pretty awesome. We have two equally awesome kids, Gavin and Sophie.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012


I have been sitting here, watching the kids run around our entire house.  Sophie is wearing nothing but a tutu and mismatched socks, carrying a hula hoop and chasing Gavin screaming "Come here you freak! I'm gonna get you! Hop in the circle!"  I feel oddly content.  Oddly, because they're being pretty loud, and - thanks to the m&ms they got earlier - wild.  However, no one is pestering me, no one is arguing, they are just 100% delighted with whatever it is they think they are doing.  And I love it.

I have often wondered about the quality of their childhood.  Gavin for obvious reasons, because he goes back and forth between houses.  I was blessed enough to never have to do that.  My parents are still married after 45 years.  I don't know what growing up like that would even feel like, and I wish that I could empathize with him a little, just because I can't say things like "I know how you feel", because I don't.  I want him to know that we understand this life isn't the most ideal without making him think he should feel awkward about the life he has.  I know he's used to it, because its been his life the majority of the time he's been on this earth.  It still doesn't mean its fair.
I also have worried about Sophie, because her life isn't traditional, either.  She has a big brother - and I understand that he is technically her half brother, but this in all honesty is something I only completely realized recently.  I have never thought of them as "half" anything.  He is her bubba and she is his sissy and that's just how its been.  However, her big bubby that she loves so much is here and then gone for a period of time, then comes back...and it goes on and on in that cycle.  That is hard on her.  We also had a long period of time where her daddy was laid off and on unemployment, and things were hard.  Things still are hard -- that's how it is for a lot of people nowadays.  We have a lot of struggles, monetary sure but definitely more so in other areas.  I have worried about the effect these things have on her quality of life.  Recently I voiced these concerns to Ernie and he said..."the hard times are only hard for us."  The amount she feels and understands the difficulties and burdens our family has is the amount we allow into her life.  I don't think kids should think life is perfect.  I don't think they should believe that parents never argue and everything is just wonderful as can be.  However, discussing it with my honey made me realize what he said is true: Sophie has a happy life.  Daddy was unemployed for a large amount of time -- hard on us, but for her, she had her daddy around to play with a lot.  She has a daddy who is such a good parent -- she has unlimited access to mommy, since my full time job is to be home with her and take care of her.  She has a big brother she loves.  She has food and clothes and shelter.  She gets to learn and do crafts and go to the park and have a dog...she has extended family who loves her and she gets to experience a lot of awesome things, like going camping, and going hiking in the mountains, and going clam digging, and crabbing, and learning how to cook.  She laughs every day and she feels loved and safe every night when she gets tucked into bed.  She knows every night I'll sing her "Good night Sweetheart" and that every morning we'll be here when she wakes up. 
Seeing life through their eyes I think yeah...our life is pretty good.  And I feel content in that.

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