About Me

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I'm Beth. I'm married to my best friend, and he's pretty awesome. We have two equally awesome kids, Gavin and Sophie.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Four year ago today, Sophie Grace changed my life forever.
I have had many titles throughout my life: daughter, sister, aunt, wife, even step-mom, but 8 pounds 7 ounces gave me a title I'll have for the rest of my life: mommy.  I had no idea what it would be like when they took her out of my stomach (creepy!) and I heard her cry. I even remember asking Ernie "Is that her?"  like what other baby would be in the operating room during my c-section??  It was just too unbelievable for my mind to comprehend.  That very first cry turned everything upside down so that nothing would ever be the same.  I laid eyes on Sophie a couple minutes later and I just felt like I recognized her.  I had never seen her before in my life but my heart knew her little face and her beautiful eyes and even her strong set of lungs as she wailed for a good amount of time. 
She continued to wail and use those lungs for a good part of the next year.  I learned what that title "mom" actually meant, as I got almost no sleep and cared more about if she was eating and sleeping and pooping and if she was clean and warm enough but not too warm, and if she was safe...I remember so much about those first few days, weeks, and months, but for the most part it passed in a blur.  Sophie Grace changed life and also gave me the greatest challenge ever.  During that time I wondered at my sanity at having actually wanted to be a mom, but looking back I of course would never change it. 
She kept growing and slowly I began to appreciate being a mom more and more.  Whereas first, it was more challenge than anything else, it slowly began to be more joy, less pain.  My bald little baby grew more into a curly headed little girl (with light colored hair that confused me...) and I could see more and more the light shining from within her.
Three years old hit and the best year ever of being a mom.  Every woman is different: some are drawn to the itty bitty baby stage, but I believe this stage: the 3 years old, learning to be more and more independent, and having more and more personality, is where its at for me.  Sophie has shown that she is full to the top and overflowing with personality.  She has hundreds of different expressions and looks that mean so many different things, and I feel as if I know them all.  She has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I've ever had the pleasure to know and she amazes me on a daily basis at the things she thinks, feels, and understands.  To say that I never knew having a daughter would be like this would be a gross understatement.
Many people say they fell so in love instantly with their babies the second they saw them.  While this is true: my heart of course loved her as soon as I knew her, I believe Sophie and I got to know each other and I truly realized the full extent of my love for her after going through such trying times in my early days/months as a mom.  Maybe that seems harsh, but I don't believe that to be so.  Whether it happened suddenly or gradually, over time, I know that my heart could never be fuller than it is now.    Sophie dropped into my life and changed everything, and I am a far better person than I could ever possibly have been on my own.

Happy birthday to my beautiful, precious, intelligent, caring and hilarious little Sophie Grace.  Words cannot tell you how proud I am of the person you are and I am so blessed to be allowed to know and care for you.