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I'm Beth. I'm married to my best friend, and he's pretty awesome. We have two equally awesome kids, Gavin and Sophie.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Step-parent Day

Has anyone else wondered why there isn't a Stepmom's Day? If you automatically dismiss this idea, then you are definitely not a stepmom, or you are not close to anyone who is a stepmom. I can tell you, from personal experience and also from observation, that it is an extremely tough job. I have the priviledge of being both a stepmom and a "regular" mom, so I can compare the two roles. First off, you have to deal with being in a child's life when their mom may not really want you there. This is their prerogotive to feel this way, I suppose. I mean, I don't think I'd like some woman filling a mom role in Sophie's life, I can't really judge because I've never been in that situation. However, it is still very, very hard to deal with. Let's face it, women have strong emotions. This is not the point of my post though, so we won't discuss whether its right or wrong for them to fight your role in their child's life. Let's just say its a very hard part of being a stepmom. Secondly, you have to deal with loving a child more than you feel you're allowed to. Does that make sense? In my situation, this is the case. I feel like in the eyes of my stepson's other household, I'm not really allowed to love him. Which is sad, because I of course do. I know he is not my biological child, but he is my husband's son, my daughter's brother...and a sweet little boy. So I love him as part of our family. You have to deal with having a part of your family leave for periods at a time. That is a really hard one. Holidays are never "normal". I have to figure out how to convey to my daughter why her Bubba leaves for nine days at a time, and, recently, we have to get her to not be afraid to hug and kiss him, because hugging and kissing him, to her, means he's leaving. We have to deal with his hurt because he doesn't understand why his little sissy is acting that way toward him. You have to fill the mom role...making school lunches, making sure teeth get brushed and baths get taken, taking temperatures and kissing owies, while not getting the same recognition and reward as "Mom". Who else thinks we need a Stepmom Day? I think it should be in January. Right after having to deal with the drama surrounding the major holidays that definitely comes with this role. I'm not trying to say I, as a stepmom, am entitled to more than moms. I am a mom, too. They are just very different roles to play in life. I never realized how it would be to have this title. Growing up many, many friends of mine had step-parents. Its something that just seemed normal. Of course you never think about what a hard experience it is until you go through it first hand. All this being said (complained about?) I would not change my involvement in Gavin's life for anything. Sure being a stepmom brings extra headaches, heartaches, problems, etc. But it also brings so much more love than I could have experienced otherwise! Just before I started writing this, we had an indepth conversation about a Lego coffeemaker he had just put together. Who would want to miss out on that?!

1 comment:

  1. I loved reading your thoughts on this...and I love that you're Gavin's stepmom and that he's part of our family!