for Amy

Today is my sissy's birthday. I've been thinking about her this week and thinking about what a good big sister she has always been. We're pretty far apart in age...she's the oldest, and I'm the youngest of 4 kids. My mom says she was always like my "second mom", but I don't think I ever really saw it that way. Unless you count her taking care of me and always being kind and loving, instead of how you'd think sisters may be from time to time. :) But I don't think that has to do with her being older than me. Its just because that is her character. I know God made her our older sister for a reason...she's a much better role model for me than I could have been for her! ;) I'm impatient, and have some attitude, I'm too quick to anger and not very even tempered. Amy has always been an example to me of how to be a Godly woman. If I think of what kind of person I want to be, I think of her. And definitely if I think of what kind of mother I want to be, I think of her. My sister has two of the sweetest, smartest, kindest girls I have ever met and I'm sure a huge part of that is because of who their mom is. I can only try every day to be the kind of mom she is and raise my daughter the way she has raised her daughters. My sister is kind, unselfish, giving, and full of grace. And I love her with all my heart and am so blessed to have her as my sister. Happy birthday sissy! love, Dofie

Jamaskicks!

So yesterday was a big day for Sophie! She finally got to start gymnastics. We have been talking to her about it for about a month, and I knew it'd be right up her alley, since she loves to jump, and somersault, and pretty much everything else that makes me think "oh man she's gonna break something!" Turns out there's a gymnastics place here in Yelm -- who knew?? Its super close to our house, so I checked it out. Its a BBB accredited business, which is always a plus with me, and they have tons of classes. Sophie started "Turbo Tumblers" yesterday. Judging on the abilities and size of the other kids in the class, she's the youngest. I figure this mostly because they are exactly Sophie's size, and I've never seen her with another 2 year old without thinking "geez she looks tall!". All day yesterday she talked about going to meet her teacher. FINALLY, it was 4:30 and time for class to start. As soon as we walked in a tiny little lady asked "are you Miss Sophie? I'm Coach Rachel!" and Sophie was hooked immediately. :) She wore her cute little black leggings and had red painted toesies and looked like such a cute little gymnast parading around. They have a balcony where moms and dads can sit and watch. Sophie noticed we were up there and so periodically throughout the class she'd say "HI!! Hi mom and dad!" And blow us a kiss. She had so much fun! They crab walked, bear walked, did the balance beam, did log rolls, front rolls, pulled themselves up on the bars, and most importantly, used the giant trampoline! Last night as I was tucking her in, she told me about 15 different things she wanted to tell her "coach" about. I don't know how I'm going to break it to her that class is only once a week...:) I'm really happy that it fits her so well. I knew it would, so it just makes me feel that much smarter. ;) She has strong little legs and I was pretty impressed she was able to pull her body weight up on the bars. I'm glad we found a place that seems so friendly and well organized. It makes me feel like she can stay there for many years, if she wants, and move up. So hooray! So proud to see our little girl growing up.

Night digs and deeper thoughts...

Hm lets see. Not too much new stuff going on. Last week Ernie and I had our first experience digging razors clams at night! We love going clam digging and always mark the clam tides on our calendar. :) But we have always made it out there in the early morning, or afternoon. This time though, the clam tide was at 7 pm, and of course in January here in the lovely Pacific Northwest, its pitch black by that time! We took lanterns and our usual clam digging guns and clothes, and headed to the ocean. We dropped Sophie off with Grandma on the way. Sophie loves the ocean, and clam digging...however, she also loves to run straight for the waves and that would be a complete disaster if we took her in the darkness. Its hard enough to keep track of her when its daylight out there. It was nice to go just the two of us! It was sort of like a date...a wet, freezing, windy, dark date. I'm used to it being really cold when we go to the ocean. I wear my boots, and I dress really warm. However, its a little different when its night, and raining, and the wind is blowing the rain at you. After about an hour, my jeans were so entirely soaked they were dripping. Luckily, I was so cold my legs were numb, so I couldn't really feel it. Our hair was soaking and water was dripping off our noses. But its all part of the experience, so I didn't really mind. What is *not* part of the experience, in my mind, though, is not getting any clams. It was so wet that the sand was just muck. We'd pull it out with our guns and the holes would immediately fill back up. After a few hours of this, my wool socks inside my boots were soaked. Every step I took was a slosh. I can deal with all that, and pretty happily, when we're pulling up clams and we have fried clams and clam chowder to look forward to. When we're getting skunked, though, everything seems colder, wetter...the hours are longer...Finally, after 7 1/2 days out on the beach (well, a few hours, but like I said, it seems longer), we made it back to the truck -- luckily, we had thought to leave our battery powered lantern on the dash, otherwise I have no idea how we would have found it. I changed right there in the front seat. I was so soaked, I didn't care. And what we had to show for it was....three clams. Usually, with just the two of us, we will come back with 30 clams. That's a limit for each of us. You can't even do anything with three! So what we really had, was a long trip to collect crab bait. :) We also stuck really well to our diet by taking our freezing selves to Burger King for dinner. Whoops! Oh well. I guess we can't be as lucky every time as we usually are. And we had never been out at night before. At least its another life experience, right? I was pretty nervous about the ocean with how dark it was. I'm pretty scared of water that I can't see through down to the bottom. I can deal quite well with the ocean when we're there during the day. I can watch the tide, and position myself so I don't feel like I'm going to get swept out to sea. At night though, I felt pretty lost. A few times I felt a little panicky. I could hear the waves roaring, but I couldn't see them. I could see everyone's lanterns (a pretty city out there on the beach) but I didn't know how close they were to the water. I didn't know if I was walking in a straight line, or if I was angled, walking myself closer and closer to doom with every step! For this reason, I kept getting farther from Ernie. I felt like he was too close to the surf for my liking. I kept walking up towards what I felt were the cars. And he kept calling me back. I was too scared to go back. I told him I couldn't see the ocean. I didn't want to be so close because I didn't know what was going to happen. He told me he was watching the tide for me. He said he'd protect me, but I needed to stay closer to him for him to be able to keep me the safest. It reminded me that we need to be like that with God. We can get scared of situations and try to handle it ourselves. But all we need to do is realize that God can see the situation better than us. We just need to draw closer to Him and he will keep us safe. :)

Hooray for my big girl!

Its a landmark week in the Dye house...we are pacifier free! If you know Sophie, you know what a huge milestone that is. Since she was a newborn, she had more pain than a normal baby. People told us "all babies cry", but this was different. It turned out she had reflux, and she had what we called her "pterodactyl cry". ;) And she did it for a good portion of every day and night. Medication helped, and what really helped comfort her (and save our sanity) was her pacifier. I honestly think that thing kept me out of the psych ward. It soothed her like nothing else could, and so for that I am perfectly fine that she was so attached to it. However, she's 2 and a half now, so I have been sick of that thing for several months! And she has held onto it quite stubbornly (which is completely unsurprising, given who her stubborn parents are). I found something that works...a sticker chart. Apparently something Sophie loves more than her pacifier is her Elmo stickers, so for every day she didn't have her pacifier, she got a sticker. And for every night she went to bed without it, she got another sticker. She was very excited to get to put each new sticker on the chart, and she has shown *everyone* who has come into our house her chart. :) So I am SO happy and relieved to say that after a week, I think the pacifier is gone for good! Hooray for our big girl. Now, if the stickers could just convince her to potty train...

Best Motivation ever!

So I did the shred today. As anyone who's done it...or any Jillian Michael's work out, for that matter...its hard. Today, it was pretty brutal. I'm sick, so I was hacking and wheezing the whole time. Really, I wanted to stop. However, when I put the DVD in, Sophie got so excited about "essercise"! At this point she was wearing Hello Kitty socks and a pull-up. She started swinging her arms around and hoping up and down, then informed me she needed to go "get some shoesies on". She came back in her black patent tap shoes, so at that point, she was ready to work out. She did the entire work out with me..and when I say that, I of course mean a 2 1/2 year old interpretation of it (which looks super cute, and way more fun). At one point, she stopped bouncing around and said "why you sweatin' mama?" I told her "because its so HARD!" she said "oh no mama, its not too hard, you can do it!" Best motivation ever!! What a cutie pie. She had such a concerned look on her face. I asked her if she could do it, and her response was "oh, sure! Of course I can!" Which was just great. I didn't have the urge to quit anymore! And I want her to keep having that mindset of of course I can! I want her to get that from me! If I keep at it, and don't quit, she's going to believe that much more in herself too. So, as I said, best motivation I could ever think of. Thanks baby girl! :)

Thanks to my kids

Well Christmas 2010 is over. Ernie argued that its still the Christmas season, and I suppose it is. There's still Christmas music playing on the radio, and our Christmas decorations are for sure still up (like I'd be on the ball enough to have taken them down by now). The kids have opened their presents and we've had our Christmas dinners. It was different this year because we had "Christmas day" a few days early, so we could celebrate with Gavin. It was exciting to see it through Sophie's 2 1/2 year old point of view. She understood a lot more this year. Last year she was of course excited, but this year she seemed to really get into it. Its so much more magical, the holiday season, when you have kids. We teach them the real meaning of Christmas, and that Jesus is the biggest gift to us, and that's why we give gifts, to celebrate that ultimate gift to us. But its also okay to get into all the magical wonderful fun stuff. Like decorating the Christmas tree, and wrapping presents, and watching Christmas movies. Playing games together as a family and having hot chocolate...its a much different kind of celebration when you have kids! A wonderful kind of different, in my opinion. And take New Years...I'm looking forward to it, but I bet our celebration seems kind of boring. We will have Gavin. We're going to go to the ocean to go clam digging, then coming back home and hanging out with the kids. I don't think of New Years Eve as some big party night anymore. And I feel better off because of it. I don't know how my life would be specifically different if we didn't have these kids. I do know that overall, it would be. It would be *completely* 100% different. Just like those jobs like nurses or doctors...no matter what you are doing, you are always a doctor. Well no matter what I am doing, where I am, who I am with, I am always a mom. Can't change it. Every single part of my life is affected by that title. The way we celebrate the holidays, the way we make sure we get to spend a little bit of time with each part of the family so the kids can see them, the way we arrange bedtimes around activities we want to do with the kids. What we watch, what we eat, where we go...the activities we plan definitely are different. And I am a much better person. The first person on my mind when I make a decision isn't myself. Its the kids. What will I make for dinner? Well I'll tell you its not always going to be what my first choice would be if I was the only one who was important. I have to take their little kid tastes into mind. What show do I want to watch? Well I think about the little observant eyes and tuned in ears that can pick up so much more than you would think. How am I going to decorate? Well maybe this homemade garland isn't my first choice, but the kids sure liked helping make it and they love seeing it displayed where everyone can see. And what is the meaning of Christmas? I don't want them seeing that the most important part is Santa Claus, and how many presents you can get for yourself and who gets the coolest toys. While I'm not against all of that, because the kids for sure got some cool stuff (Gavin got the Harry Potter Lego Castle...awesome. I mean, you know...for him...), we make conscious decisions to let them see that "getting" isn't what's most important to us for Christmas. Because we could tell them all we want, do what I say, not what I do. But I see in the way my little Sophie copies things I say, uses the same facial expressions I do, that my example has the most impact. So for this coming year, 2011, I am going to try to set the best example I can. And I'm thankful, so thankful, to these kids for making me want to be the best person I can be.

Thankful

At this time of year, everyone starts thinking more about what they're thankful for. That's a great thing -- I wish I could remember to be more thankful throughout the year. The first thing that comes to mind as I sit here in front of my computer to type this is that I am thankful we finally have a working computer again. That's a little thing, sure, but if you'll look back to the last time I posted a blog entry, that is the last time we had a functional computer. I don't like to think we rely on this technology so much but its felt like we've been really out of touch. I love keeping up with my family and friends on facebook. For a lot of people, its the only way I do get to have contact with them because they are far away. I like being able to post about life and the kids on here, for people who actually are interested in reading about us. :) I am very thankful for a cousin who has so much computer knowledge, and a caring heart, who took our computer home with him and worked on it, not once, but twice, until it was working again. He's very busy with work and his own kids, but he took time out to work hard on it for us...especially since for a while, we thought everything on the computer was gone. Pictures from our whole life together, essentially, starting with our wedding. Pictures of Sophie's entire life are on this thing. Not only that, he didn't even charge us. I am very thankful for that! Isn't it great that there are still kind people in the world? This year has been trying. This time last year, it would have been very easy to say things couldn't get much worse for us, at least financially. We were dealing with legal stuff over Gavin and Ernie had been laid off. Oddly enough, this year, things haven't changed with the legal stuff...but now a much bigger financial burden has been added. I guess I shouldn't say "well at least we know it can't get any worse!" Last year I didn't know how we'd make it, but we've made it though a whole year. We have even had happy times during that year! Somehow, we are still making it. It is amazing what God can do. It shows what little faith I have, for sure. I start to panic, thinking this is it, this is finally the time when things will stop being okay -- and then something happens, at just the right time, to get us through. My faith in God has grown so much during this time, and our bond as a family has definitely strengthened, as well. So I will be thankful for that. I am thankful for all this stuff we've been going through. While I wouldn't wish it even on my enemy, I can still thank God for it because it has made us better, stronger people. And really, when I think about it...if you take away the joblessness, the incorrect back child support that is putting huge financial stress on us, the court stress and uncertainty of our situation with Gavin...we have a lot to be thankful for! We have a house to live in. It may not be my dream house, but we have enough room for all of us. We have lights and heat. We have 2 cars that work and that we don't owe any money on. We have a sweet dog that brings a lot of joy to our kids. We have extended family that loves us. We have friends who care about us. We have 2 sweet, loving kids who are healthy! And I am so very thankful for my husband, who works his butt off to take care of us, no matter what, and who loves me unconditionally and is the best father I have ever known. I don't see it being the norm for guys in our age group to put the biggest emphasis on family, but the most important thing in Ernie's life is his family: me and the kids. And that means more to me than anything. And lastly...today I am going to try to be thankful that people have enough confidence in me to think I can cook the entire Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. I will say I don't agree with them...but too late to back out now! Happy Thanksgiving everyone. ...oh Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever! -Psalm 30:12