Day Eight and a Good Coach

We've made it through the entire week of our 30 day challenge! :)  Hooray! Let's celebrate with ice cream.  Okay, we won't.  Last night was super hard -- it was Saturday night and that's usually the time we'd have snacks and watch movies, etc., since we're home as a family.  I really *really* wanted some ice cream.  Like really.  BUT I didn't.  Mostly because Ernie is a stronger person than I am, and also bossy.  ;) 

I made my meal list for this coming week, and my grocery list.  Ernie requested several of the new things I made last week, which shows that the food is super good.  We love eating paleo, its the mental part that is the hardest.  I *mentally* need ice cream or chocolate.  My mind is addicted to it.  And my mind is stubborn.  I am hoping as this week goes by, it will get easier.  Plus we have lots of yummy meals planned for the week, so I'm looking forward to cooking those!  And Sophie is definitely our little paleo kid.  I love watching her eat something I made and hearing her say "MMMMM this is yummy mom!"  I know a lot of 3 year olds might turn up their noses at some of the "weird" things we eat, so I am thankful she is adventurous. :) 

Today when we woke up, I was pretty happy that I didnt give in and cheat last night.  I did not have to feel guilty!  And when we went to the grocery store and I got all the ingredients for my meals for the beginning of the week, the old lady in line behind us said "you're the smartest shopper I've seen in a long time!"  I asked her what she meant and she said "look at all that good food! Most young people like you have carts full of processed junk!"  That boosted my spirits a little and made me proud that people would compliment me on the choices I'm making in feeding my family. 

We came home and there's no day care at the gym on Sundays, so Ernie left for a run and I sucked it up and put the 30 day shred DVD in.  Whenever I'm *done* with the workout, I'm glad I did it.  Before and during though, not so much.  Before I have to talk myself into it, and during I am cursing Jillian Michaels.  :)  Its hard!  But I'm thankful for the hard work, too, because it is helping me reach my goals.  The BEST part though, is that when I tell Sophie we're going to exercise, she gets out her yoga mat (which is hilarious), and puts on her "work out clothes", and does the best she can with the work out right there beside me.  Today, she was my little trainer.  She kept saying "exhale, exhale, exhale, good, perfect."  Crazy girl.  I took a pic of her in her creative work out attire.  She is such a funny little sweetheart, she makes it so much easier to stick with all this stuff.  I want her to grow up to be a healthy, strong lady, and she needs to see that in me.

No better coach than this lady!



Day Five

Well, I really meant to post about Christmas/the holiday season, but I haven't gotten around to it (obviously).  But its 2012 already and I figure I should post about what's relevant today. I'll go back and post about Christmas when I have anything interesting to say.

Today is day 5 of our Whole30 challenge.  For the past 5 days, I haven't had any coffee (no caffeine at all!).  I've just had meats, veggies, and...that's about it.  And tons of water.  I think I'm trying to replace my coffee with water, which sounds good in theory.  However, I drank a lot of water *anyway*, so this is a little ridiculous.

I did not realize how much of a sugar addict I was/AM.  It is HARD.  The food I'm eating is really awesome, because I mean...I cooked it, and I'm good at that.  But also, I really like my coffee with yummy (full of crap) creamer, and cutting out coffee meant cutting out that sweet stuff, too.  And anything else that secretly has sugar in it.  I've been trying to stay away from fruits because they are sweet, and I think that might be one of the hardest parts.  The coffee part was hard for the first couple of days, especially since it was when school started back after break and I had to get up early and take Gavin to school (not so good with the planning).  I did feel like several times I was just going to fall asleep driving.  Which sounds scary but, I didn't.  It was just in the back of my mind.  :)  But I feel okay now.  Yeah coffee sounds delicious but my head isn't splitting open, at least.  However, I did want to rip Sophie's candy cane out of her hand earlier today and put it in MY mouth. 

Regardless of that (which made me sound a little bit crazy), I am doing good with this.  I really have no willpower so I am surprised at how easy it is.  We've tried to eat mostly paleo for quite a while, but this is the first time we've really gotten super strict about it.  I have had moments where I wanted to cheat over the last few days, but not overwhelming. 

Going to the grocery store with the kids and Target was probably the hardest.  Man they do make junk food appealing, don't they?!  All pretty and shiny and brightly colored.  But I survived.  Which has been making me feel pretty good about myself. :) 

I've also tried just working out whenever I feel like I want to cheat.  That helps a TON.  And I got my craft tub out and have been doing a lot of crafts so that I'm busy when I'm having my "down" time. 

So 25 days to go!  So far so good.  I hope it can continue this way!  I haven't noticied a difference yet, but it hasn't been very long.  Ernie and I did take "before" pictures, and we'll be taking them each week, but there's no way in H-E-double hockeysticks that I will be sharing those, so, you'll just have to take my word for it when I report any progress. :)

I am excited! (slash exhausted)

Such a wonderful discovery!

Cookies are the devil.  Seriously, they are just so good tasting, and so bad for you.  So I am SO EXCITED that the paleo cookie recipe I tried last night was delicious, and completely fine to eat. :)  They totally took care of my craving for something sweet and I didn't feel sick after eating them like I would with regular sweets.  Even Sophie said they were awesome and, apparently even our dog liked them, since she stole the rest of Sophie's.  Several people have asked for the recipe, so I'm including it here.  Credit goes to, of course, Everyday Paleo, for this recipe (and for lots of the incredibly delicious things I make).  I followed this recipe more or less:

Nutty Cookies

* 2 bananas, mashed up

* 1/3 cup coconut flour

* 3/4 cup almond butter

* 1/2 tsp baking soda

* 1/3 cup raw walnuts, chopped

* 1 apple, finely diced

* 1/3 cup coconut milk

* 1 tbsp cinnamon

Preheat the oven to 350.

In a mixing bowl, use a fork to mash up the bananas.

Add the coconut flour, baking soda, and almond butter and mix up.

Chop the walnuts and apples finely in a food processor.

Add the walnuts, apples, coconut milk, and cinnamon to the bowl and mix well.

Cover a cookie sheet with parchment paper and spoon large tablespoons of the cookie mix onto it.

Bake for 25 minutes.

A couple notes I have to add:  its really hard for me to find coconut flour around here.  I have to order it online from amazon.  I get the Let's Do Organic brand, and I like it.  Second, I find almond butter is an acquired taste for some people, but we really like it here so hopefully you will too!! Also, used canned coconut milk, not the coconut milk beverage in the refrigerated section.  And don't use the light kind, because it sucks.

I made these like this last night, but I think next time I am going to substitute one banana for some pumpkin, since its close to Thanksgiving and I like festive things like that. :)



 

Protect yourself

What I want to say in this post is something that is extremely important to me and on my heart, so of course I don't have any clue how I want to say it or how to organize my thoughts.  I have never pretended I'm a talented writer and I don't think of myself as the most intelligent marble in the deck (hehe), so try to slog along through my stuttering and rambling thoughts and maybe you'll get the message. 
This I suppose would mostly be to the younguns out there.  Actually I have my 'big girl' nieces in mind, and I guess they really aren't little kids anymore, as the oldest two are in college and so really are adults.  I don't really know if I like that quite yet, but that's how it is. 
Everybody makes mistakes in life.  Its how it always has been, always will be, there's no way around it.  You will never be perfect.  (I know, it hit me hard too.)  The best you can hope is to learn from your mistakes.  Its okay to make mistakes, just learn from them and move on.  Wouldn't it be awesome, though, if you could sometimes avoid your own mistakes and learn from someone elses'?  Especially to avoid pain and heartache.  Especially to avoid a lifetime of it. 
I won't pretend to know what its like to be a 'kid' today.  I didn't appreciate it when adults pretended they knew everything I was going through when I was a teenager.  Life has continually gotten harder, kids learn things younger and younger, and I've been out of high school now for 10 years, so it is undoubtedly different than when I was there.  However, on the flip side, I've *only* been out of high school for 10 years, so some things remain the same. :) 
I remember the talks/discussions/lectures/videos/conferences about sex pretty well.  They always tried to drill it into us that you are giving away pieces of your heart that you may not miss at the time, but later in life will come back to get ya.  I've heard it illustrated many, many different ways, and if you're like how I was, you can see what they mean but think "whatever".  Those things were far removed from me at the time, so I couldn't really UNDERSTAND. 
I'm married now, and I have a wonderful husband and we have a beautiful daughter.  I also have a stepson.  I love him with all my heart, he is just as much a part of my family as my husband and daughter are, but I would be lying through my teeth if I didn't tell you that the history involved in his coming to be did not affect my life every. single. day.  Not just my life, but Ernie's life, Sophie's life, and Gavin's life.  Not just us, in our immediate family, but our parents, and siblings, and nieces and nephews. 
When you are young, it is quite easy to think that whomever you are dating at the time is The One.  You cannot imagine feeling any more for anyone else, ever.  Except what if you do?!  I am so far from the person I was when I was 16...or 18...or 22.  And while there are people like my brother and sister in law who married their high school sweetheart and have a successful marriage, that isn't the norm anymore.  Chances are, you are going to get your heart broken.  You are going to date and breakup and date and breakup and learn from life until you find the person who truly IS The One.  Do you want to have to deal with that person who is The One actually being The Fifth?  Or The Tenth?  Or even The Second one?  Do you want to have to deal with them missing out on one part, or three parts, or many, many parts of your heart that someone or multiple someones have taken?  If you could really think about it, really sit and let that sink into your heart, you wouldn't want that.  Or if that doesn't really get you, think about yourself.  I gotta be honest and say that thinking about this future spouse that I didn't know didn't always really hit me either.  What if you find the person you're going to marry and while they definitely love you, too, and you are meant to be together, in their past they didn't have you in mind.  They gave away big parts of themself to someone else.  What will that do to you? How will that affect you? 
Now you can think all you want that you are mature enough to handle that just fine.  But I don't buy that.  The thoughts that hit me about the past are surprising to me at times and come out of nowhere.  I can't control it, and I definitely can't change it.  Because mistakes you make with your heart and with intimate relationships are permanent.  You can learn from them, sure, but you can NOT change what has already happened.  You can't have a do-over, you can't reverse it.  It is part of you and part of your life, from now on. 
(it is at this point, that some big paragraph I typed disappears.  I will try to recreate it...I can't promise it will be as good.) I will once again be brutally honest and say that when I thought about my future when I was younger, I never imagined it would be this way.  I never thought my husband and I would have to involve attorneys for every holiday.  I never thought we'd have to coordinate vacations and all plans with someone we don't really want to have to see.  I never thought I'd have to have my husband's ex girlfriend as part of my life, for the rest of my life.   I have to deal with my daughter's heartbroken crying every time her brother leaves.  I have to try to figure out how to explain to her that daddy is daddy to both of them, but I am not bubba's mom.  Its big things, its small things.  Its a daily thing.  Every single day that affects all of us.  I don't even know if I'm getting the gravity of this across even now. 
Lets be serious here.  Experiences I have with my husband, sometimes it pops into my mind that maybe he had this same experience with someone else.  That hurts.  We've been married 4 1/2 years, and it still hurts JUST THE SAME as the first time I felt this hurt.  Would I change being married to my husband? No way.  I truly believe that he is the one God had for me.  But I also believe that we don't always stick to God's plan, so we both screwed it up before we even met each other.  We both have to deal with big hurts stemming from the other's past.  And it sucks the big one. 
Whatever you may think about what you're doing with a significant other right now...if you think its not going to affect you that much, or at all, or it may hurt at first but as you get older and wiser and more mature that it won't affect you anymore YOU ARE WRONG.  Is there a ring on your finger?  No? Then do the right thing.  Wait it out.  Sexual sin doesn't just hurt for a time.  It leaves the deepest scar on you that you can have.  I promise you that.  You will never EVER regret NOT going too far with someone.  But you don't want to be 35 and still paying for what you considered to be no big deal when you're 18.  Please think about what I've said.

I guess this makes me a typical woman...

Last night it was just Sophie and me at home.  She asked me if we could go to Joe's (the convenience store near our neighborhood) so I said sure.  We hopped in the car -- she got to wear her jammies which she thought was the best thing ever -- and went to Joe's and she got a snack and a drink.  Joe's is also a gas station, but I didn't get gas because I got gas the day before!  In fact I didn't even look at the gas gauge.
Oh yeah...but I guess I forgot that the day before, I only got 20 bucks in gas because the pump was super slow and I didn't want to be late getting Gavin to school.  And then I drove quite a few places.  And I have a Yukon.  20 bucks doesn't go far.  Joe's is honestly about 5 minutes away, and we were on the main street of our neighborhood when I definitely ran out of gas. 
I used to pride myself that I never had run out of gas.  Now it has happened to me 3 times.  This is just embarrassing.  I like to think that my truck is partially to blame.  The needle on the gas gauge likes to float around.  This time, however, was totally my fault, I just had a brain fart. 
Ernie was at work and would be the rest of the night, but LUCKILY I remembered we now have AAA!  Oh what a wonderful thing to remember.  I called, they sent a guy out and he put some gas in for me.  Sophie was wonderful while we waited for him to show up -- she just ate her snack and drank her drink and waved at all the other cars driving by. 
I haven't even told Ernie yet. I'm not looking forward to being heckled.  But thanks AAA!  I love you guys!

Warm Fuzzies

I just want to say I love my kids.  They are just such a huge source of joy.  Of course, they're a huge source of headaches, too...:)  But the joy overrides that.  I was just sitting here thinking about how cute they are together and how thankful I am that Sophie has Gavin as a big brother. I don't think I could ask for a better big bubba for her.  I love overhearing them talking to each other and playing.  Yesterday I heard this conversation:

S: "Gavin, do you want to share some of my candy with me?"

G: "No thanks."

S: whiny sounding, "but bubba, I just love you so MUCH!"

G: "okay, sure, I'll share some."

S: "hooray!"

That just made my heart all warm and fuzzy. :)  Ernie and I were just talking about how we have two really big-hearted kids, and that is just one illustration to me of how its true.  The reason we were having that conversation is I was frustrated how Sophie gets so hurt so easily over any little thing (which sounds familiar...), and he brought up that it is because she is so caring and sensitive and big-hearted.  So I guess I'll take the downside of that to be able to experience her sweet caring spirit the rest of the time. <3  What sweethearts I get to spend time with every day!!

MEN

Its been a while since I posted, and since my brain isn't organized enough today to actually put thoughts together for the posts I want to write, here is something funny instead:

the truth to understanding men:


"IT'S A GUY THING"

Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."



"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"

... Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"



"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"

Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.



"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"

Translated: "I have no idea how it works."



"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."

Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a real babe."



"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."

Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."



"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."

Translated: "Are you still talking?"



"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."

Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot our anniversary."



"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."

Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."



"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."

Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."



"I CAN'T FIND IT."

Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."



"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"

Translated: "What did you catch me at?"



"I HEARD YOU."

Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."



"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."

Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."



"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."

Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."



"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."

Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."